Well, new achievement unlocked: I scared the morning janitor! So you guys already know I wake up super early, between 5 and 6 am. Usually I get up and go do work in the dorm’s lounge. Today, I decided that I would just go wait by my first class, so there wouldn’t be that question of whether I’m going to class or not because I’m being so productive or whatever. It was a fabulous decision because it turns out it was snowing.
I had a jolly ol’ time walking to class. The ground was covered by a light snow fall, maybe a few stacked coins thick, so the ground looked white until one footstep would melt it through to the pavement, leaving a tiny bit of snow in the pattern of my shoe. I was listening to the newest Bad Suns album and living it up, my guy. I walked to the beat! and with purpose! I will also admit that I skipped a few times and did a couple of spins. No one was out, so I could do whatever and feel almost no shame to be giddy walking through some snow.
When I finally got to the building, is was 6 am and there was janitor stuff in the entrance and on the top of the stairs, and when I got to the lecture hall itself, there was pop music blasting. All and all, I knew the janitor was still there. Then I just sat down and started on my computer. A few minutes later, the janitor came out into the hallway and was jump scared by my presence. I also was sitting pretty close to the door, so I understand her completely. A rando college student being at class at 6 am? an hour and a half before classes even start? on a Monday? But there I was, a little embarrassed and a bit proud, and there she was, spooked and bamboozled. In my mind she lifted up one leg and scrunched her body inward as if someone threw a snowball at her, but I don’t think she flinched much or make any noise. I would have jumped and hit my head on the ceiling. I would have screamed. I would have needed time to recover.
She was probably more surprised than she let on because later she came back to apologize for her reaction. I kind of brushed it off and explained that I got jump scared by her backpack when I first entered the building. It was a small dark spot in an empty area, and I’m scared very easily, sometimes by myself or even literally nothing. I think I’m just really sensitive to my environment. When there is sudden noise or movement, even if its expected or normal, I flinch a lot. I also frequently yell when I get startled. I even yell when someone drops something.
I think the sound sensitivity is because of my ADHD. My educational testing reported that sound was more distracting to me than visual cues. Which makes sense, since I feel that I need to listen to music (specifically through headphone or earphones) to get work done. Throughout high school, I remember commonly having trouble with silent work time without electronics. I couldn’t focus at all. I also feel that hyperfocus has a part to play in this because I get so focused that any disruption is very startling.
Going off on a small tangent, the comorbidity of ADHD is even further reaching than I had thought. I was on the neurodivergent side of TikTok, and I came across Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), a common disorder within the ADHD community. It felt like a huge revelation. It just clicked and explained why I have trouble hearing and processing auditory information. It’s probably why I have trouble with movies, podcasts, and audio books. I can’t process the information at a regular pace, so I mostly have to rely on subtitles when I feel I’m missing or misunderstanding information.
Talking about sensitivity, I discovered this thing called flicker vertigo or the Bucha effect. It’s when flashes of bright light cause an “imbalance in brain cell activity” that leads to a “disorientation-, vertigo-, and nausea-inducing effect”. I often feel extremely disoriented or even blackout for a couple seconds when the sun is repeatedly blocked my chain-link fences or tree branches. For me, it happens most often when I’m walking or driving, so it’s extra scary. It feels like my life is literally flashing before my eyes.
My favorite pair of pants are these bell bottom jeans from 7 For All Mankind. I fucking love them. But the thing is that they’re kind of long and drag on the ground. There I am, wearing my favorite pants, but they’re dragging in the snow and are soaking wet and dirty at the bottom. Not going to stop wearing them, just means that I can’t sit crisscross without getting random wet spots around by knees where they touch my shoes—vans because I don’t care about the snow as much as fashion.
Update: I have changed to tims, my pants no longer drag on the ground, but they are still wet! At least I have dry shoes and socks now. Though my tims tend to give me blisters.
Update: I have a blister, limped from last class to study group.
To do: next time parents send a care package, have them send my jeans that I left because I’m stupid.
So I was picking up my prescription from the pharmacy and there was this guy with pne of the worst coughs I’ve ever heard. So after like 5 minutes, I decide I’ve had enough and am going to risk being perceived as an asshole. I finally tell him that he should cough into his elbow. He gets defensive saying he’s already wearing a mask, but I say back that shit still gets through, that’s how we breathe. Now I’m sitting there thinking I fucking won the argument or whatever. He says that he got a negative test this morning, which I have several problems with. You mean you got it back today? And took it yesterday? Cause you wouldn’t have already gotten it back already if you took it this morning. Also shit don’t matter cause there are lots of negative tests that are wrong and you have symptoms!!! More also, I still don’t want whatever he’s got, even if its not covid! Of course I don’t say these things to him because I want to maintain my composure and the more time I spend talking, the more chances I have to mess up. But yeah, then he starts coughing into his elbow! So I win, bitch.